|The fact that this much LPC and LMC (little plastic crap and little metal crap) came off|
just ONE window is pretty irritating.
It seems like home bloggers don't write about anger much, which has always surprised me. It seems like we have plenty to be mad about sometimes.
Like this plumbing leak that destroyed my entire bedroom wall:
Or the time I cussed an entire clump of maiden grass out of my border. My tools were an axe and fury:
|Next time I'm using a flame thrower.|
So you'd think with that attitude adjustment I'd be good to go, right?
Yes. And no.
I'm chugging along on my bedroom renovation just like I talked about, and I'll have some posts about it soon. But I'm discovering the "progress is progress" concept is a hell of a lot easier to apply to painting woodwork and wiring lighting than my other work in progress, which is me. For that, sometimes angry is all I've got.
1. I don't want help. Yes, I do. No, I don't.
I want to be self-reliant. While I am not irrational enough to think that I'm going to be able to do every single thing this house needs all by myself, I think I've got enough smarts, ability to work hard and willingness to attempt new challenges to do a lot of it. Sometimes it's not even that, but the fact that most of the time it's only me, and it's the only way it's going to get done.
But I only have so much time. I am only one person. I only have so much physical strength. And sometimes, things just go to hell well beyond my control to stay ahead of the problem. All of these facts tick me completely off.
In the almost three years I've lived here I have had help from my mom, my dad, my sister, my sons, an electrician, a plumber, and a handy man.
|No one should ever feel bad about Dad help. It's one of the best kinds.|
One of my favorite bloggers, Kit over at DIY Diva, recently wrote a post about this issue, only she did it much better and it included tequila and a raccoon in a cage; you can read it here. She said, "...sometimes I am only strong by default, not by choice. And it's not in my nature to accept that. Some day I might invite someone along on this adventure of mine, but not until I'm sure that I can walk the path on my own." This. So much this. Which leads me to:
2. I am single again, which is a good thing. Unless I'm mad about it, which I frequently am.
Because my personal life isn't really the focus of this blog, it didn't get mentioned that Mr. Man and I stopped seeing each other in August. It was no one's fault; he's a great person, and we're still friends. But after having that two and a half year relationship come to an end, followed by what can only be described as some.....communication weirdness I guess... with a guy I've liked for a really long time, I decided it was time to take a big long vacation from dating. I'm giving myself a year off.
|Love me, love my chickens.|
3. Getting older is also stupid.
I took up running last year as a way to bond with my sister, lose weight, and to, ironically enough, manage my anger. Running is meditative, cathartic, an excellent way to blow off steam. But I injured my hip, and I've been laid up recovering for a couple of months. After multiple appointments with an orthopedic surgeon and an MRI, what they can tell me is this: they don't know what happened, and they can't find anything wrong.
It was anti-climatic. And infuriating. The good news is they don't see anything wrong and I've got the go ahead to start running again. But the bad news is it's all uphill from here, as they say, to regain the level of fitness I lost, and to re-lose the weight I re-gained.
It's at this point I try to inject a little perspective. It's easy to give the sleeveless blouses and children who turn up their noses at chicken side-eye and move on. At the other end, none of my anger problems are real problems in the grand scheme of what the universe can dish out, just.....dissatisfaction aimed in an uncomfortable direction--at myself.
So while I think I've found the right philosophy for my home-improvement projects, I'm still finding what works for my self-improvement projects. "Progress is progress" isn't cutting it just yet, though maybe I'll come around to it.
In the meantime, I'll just shake my fist in its general direction.